i'm so sick of christians that are so narrow-minded, self-centered and ignorant that they get offended when someone says "happy holidays" instead of "merry christmas".
seriously. i can't even begin to express how pathetic that is.
for one thing, NO ONE RELIGION owns the holiday season! in fact, no one religion even invented the holiday season! if it weren't for the pagans, christmas wouldn't even be on dec 25th. and then what about the people who celebrate hanukkah, winter solstice, nothing at all, kwanzaa, yule, etc etc? you have to be seriously fucked up to actually be offended that not everyone in the world shares your same exact belief system.
and for another thing, even if the phrase "happy holidays" is said between two christians who both celebrate christmas, it's probably because there's more than one holiday in the season. thanksgiving + christmas + new years = MORE THAN ONE HOLIDAY.

so, HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS, regardless of what you believe.

proof that peta does something useful now and then

i'm glad that video like this makes it out to the mass media to shed some light on the inhumane practices in slaughterhouses and factory farms.  kicking, beating, and raping animals does not need to be done in the process of sending an animal to slaughter.  but even if the animal is handled "humanely" the whole time, killing is still the worst form of abuse there is.


.

dear mr & mrs average pet owner:

thank you, whoever wrote that.



.

Good afternoon everyone-
We have received a request from Gryphon Place to attempt to find individuals in same-sex couples who would be interested in serving on a focus group.  Gryphon is looking to begin offering mediation services for LGBT couples and would like some insight into the needs of this population.  The meeting is not yet scheduled but they are looking at early September, probably in the early evening.
Please let me know if you are interested and I will get your contact information to Gryphon Place.


i don't understand what this means.  what are the "needs of this population" as they pertain to mediation services?  i'm scratching my head here.
all we want is to be treated with respect.  respect for our lifestyles, respect for who are partners are... the same things that most straight people already receive but take for granted.
so, tell me what's so different about mediating for gay people as opposed to mediating for straight people.  just familiarize yourself with the rights that we do not have in regards to marriage, etc., then treat us the same as you would any decent human being.

sunday was really nice :)  we sat around, watched a movie, took a nap, went swimming, and then i took a looong walk with charlie after it cooled off in the evening.  i ate muffins all day.
i need to cut back on the damn lemon muffins.  i've made them so much that i have the recipe memorized, and you KNOW how hard it is for me to memorize ANYTHING.  but i'm out of shortening now, and i'm not buying any more!  i've gained 5 lbs, but there's more to it than just muffins.  ever since i was staying at syd's, i've been eating more and exercising less.
anyway, today i'm calling around, trying to find a primary care physician who will continue to write prescriptions for my non-psych meds.  i cannot afford to see my previous doctor now that i'm off medicaid and have no insurance of any kind, so i called the clinic that works on a sliding scale.  they said they need proof that i'm not working.  which means a letter from a physician (hello, i wouldn't be calling if i already HAD a physician), or social worker.  i dunno, maybe i can call my case worker at community mental health.  other than that, i have no idea.  it's easy to prove that you're working, but not so easy to prove that you're NOT working!  the lady on the phone tried to run things through with sheila's income and it's too high to qualify.  (yet, it's still not enough to pay full price for me to see a doctor... $50 up front, and they bill you for the rest).
so in the mean time, i'm out of a couple of my meds... ortho tri-cyclen (which i take for PCOS and without which i never have periods, which puts me at an elevated risk for endometrial cancer), and avandia (for pre-diabetes).  i'm also going to run out of synthroid at some point, but i have quite a bit of that stock piled in the cupboard.  the other stuff, i have no extra.  i guess i'll talk to my caseworker at community mental health, and see if there's anything he can do in regards to helping me prove that i'm not working.  *eyeroll*
9 days until my hearing.  i'm anxious, but doing okay.  definitely, better than last week.  i was able to relax a bit over the weekend, with sheila being home and all.

hope the rest of you are doing well, although i know several of you are not :(

EDIT: i spoke to my cmh case worker and he said he can make a copy of my "ability to pay" form that i can pick up tomorrow.  relief!

apparently there's an iphone that's about to come out?  we live a few blocks from a cell phone store, and as i was walking charlie tonight, i noticed that a bunch of people were lined up waiting for it to come out tomorrow.  wow.  it's a phone.  people are CAMPING OUT for a PHONE.

omg, so how do i survive without a cell phone?   it's horrible, i tell you.  i have privacy, and i deal with people on my OWN schedule.  i don't have to make excuses for not answering my phone 24/7.  and if not being able to call peaches when i'm at the store because i can't decide what flavor of ice cream to buy is the sacrifice i have to make, so be it.  i'll just get vanilla.

taking charlie to therapy with me is turning out to be helpful.  he lays on the couch next to me, all calm-like.  and he lets me play with his toes absentmindedly while he's sleeping.  my therapist brings him water.  he likes her.

social security sent me another one of those "daily activities" forms to fill out.  i know they have to, and logically it makes sense, but i'm freaking out, thinking that they're looking for discrepancies, trying to catch me in a lie or something.  and it's likely that they WILL find discrepancies, not because i lie but because from one day to the next, you can ask me if i have this symptom or that, or you can ask me how well i do with cooking, or laundry, or hygiene, or whatever, and i WILL have different answers because i forget how things are.  my memory is so so SO shot that someone will remind me later of problems i have in a certain area, and it will be something i haven't written down.  and if i bring it up later and say it's been like that all along, they think i'm just trying to pad my case at the last minute.  i'm so anxious about this.  i tried to get ahold of my lawyer yesterday but he left the office early.  i don't know if i'll have time to try again tomorrow, maybe i will.  if not, there's monday.

sheila has some overtime hours for sunday morning, then we're going up to her mom's house in the afternoon.  taking charlie, and seeing how he gets along with their golden, clyde.  i have some hesitations about this, because clyde isn't the most well-adjusted dog in the world.  and neither is charlie.  but clyde has bitten other dogs.  he's got no boundaries, no rules, gets away with everything, no limits, and of course separation anxiety, food aggression (he's free fed & obese), and all the shit that goes with that.  the woman raises dogs exactly like she raised her kids!!  i mean, she's nice and all, and a good person, but her dog annoys me.  i'm not worried about charlie picking up those habits, because it's just not going to happen.  mostly i'm just worried about how out of control clyde is.

i watched sophie's choice tonight, just because it was on our "free movies" on-demand menu, and i have heard mention of it in the past as something that's relatively good, sort of a classic, if you can count anything made in the 80's as a classic.  so i watched it... and it was okay.  very watchable, kept my interest, though in the end i couldn't figure out why.  i mean, it was alright, but not something i'd watch again.

my trazodone's kicking in.
goodnight.

i saw my evil psychiatrist this morning.  
while i was in the waiting room, a drug rep came in with a box of donuts for the staff.  when i saw my doc, i was half expecting him to just put me on whatever the cute drug rep with the donuts was selling.  that's how much this man radiates compassion and good judgement.  really.
i told him about the symptoms that have been worsening over the past month and he said he could raise the lexapro to help with the depression.  then he glanced at my chart again and said that he could raise the trileptal a bit too.  i immediately pointed out that trileptal was the med he was intending on dc'ing with me because he insisted that it has never been proven to work with psych issues at all.  (a debate we had been having for MONTHS, as i've found trileptal to work quite well for myself and others).  all of a sudden he got red and was like, oh yeah, i knew you were gonna say that, i just remembered that i was going to dc your trileptal as soon as those words came out of my mouth.
(words i almost said: STOP JERKING ME AROUND, MOTHERFUCKER!)
i find it completely unacceptable that he tried to convince me that one of my meds was ineffective (despite the fact that it was working for me), then suggested raising it in the split second before he remembered that he was trying to convince me that it wasn't doing any good.
then we had a debate over the toxic level of trazodone, which i have been on for quite a while to help with sleep and have been doubling up on lately as my insomnia worsens.  i think his issue is that he feels like he needs to know all these numbers off the top of his head, so he just makes shit up and assumes that i wouldn't know the right answer anyway.  surprise, buddy!  you should never assume that your client, no matter how mentally ill, is any less intelligent than you.  he spends so much time stumbling over his own ego.  the man needs therapy.
then he said something about how he didn't think we were working too well together because i was so confrontational.  he suggested that i see someone else, and that suggestion is the only one he has ever made that i agree with.
it's really not that big of a deal either, just being pawned off on another cmh doc... being shifted around in the system again.
so, i get more lexapro, and less of nothing.  do i consider that a victory?  (my relationship with this doc has been such a battle!).  am i happy with that?  i don't know anymore.  i just want to feel better.  and i want a doc who i can trust, but i've almost given up on that part by now.  i'll settle for someone who's not a complete idiot.  i'm sure that feeling like i have a competent treatment team would do quite a bit to help me feel better regardless of how the meds are shifted around.

you know what?
i hate vegan cookbooks.
often, i hate even the general vegetarian cookbooks too.
90% of the recipes are full of ingredients that NO ONE ever has in their kitchen.... recipes which necessitate trips to several different grocery stores to secure all the bizarre ingredients.
i need some recipes to make vegan foods with the COMMONLY available household food products.
jesus. just because i don't eat meat doesn't mean i have nutritional yeast flakes in the cupboard.
hahaha i just googled vegan recipes "weird ingredients". i guess i'm not alone!

Slacktivism

Slacktivism is the search for the ultimate feel-good that derives from having come to society's rescue without actually getting one's hands dirty, volunteering any of one's time, or opening one's wallet. It's slacktivism that prompts us to forward appeals for business cards on behalf of a dying child intent upon having his name recorded in the Guinness World Book of Records or exhortations to others to continue circulating a particular e-mail because some big company has supposedly promised that every forward will generate monies for the care of a languishing tot. Likewise, it's slacktivism that prompts us to want to join a boycott of designated gas companies or eschew buying gasoline on a particular day rather than reduce our personal consumption of fossil fuels by driving less and taking the bus more often. Slacktivism comes in many forms, but its defining characteristic is its central theme of doing good with little or no effort on the part of the person inspired to participate, through the mechanisms of forwarding, exhorting, collecting, or e-signing.

now. there's a fine line, i think, between the concept of slacktivism and the concept of Every Little Thing Helps. certainly no one can get down in the dirt working on every worthy issue at once. but that doesn't mean that they can't do little things here and there for a large number of different issues.
the problem... the slacktivism... arises when the aspect of hypocrisy comes into play. especially this part: it's slacktivism that prompts us to want to join a boycott of designated gas companies or eschew buying gasoline on a particular day rather than reduce our personal consumption of fossil fuels by driving less and taking the bus more often.
this is slacktivism brought on by guilt and knowing you could do so much more but if you just do this one easy thing (like not buy gas for one day (and then buy twice as much the next day)) and tell yourself that it actually makes a difference, you'll feel better. you will tell yourself that you are part of the "solution" as you drive away in your gas-guzzling SUV with your tank almost empty, hoping that you can still get to wall-mart and back before you run out of gas.

but this must not come down to the argument of, "i'm a better activist than you are because i do this and this and this for the cause and you only do this." sadly, this attitude is often prevalent in volunteer-run organizations. bitches.
sometimes, you have to just assume that another person is doing all they can. you don't have the right (or the inside knowledge) to know whether or not they COULD be doing more... and fuck it, it's none of your business anyway.

but, i like the word 'slacktivism' because it is about those situations that are blatantly ridiculous and downright laughable. like an SUV sporting a "support our troops" bumper sticker in the middle of a war for oil. so many people are just trying to kill their guilt.

just... don't be playin', foo. i mean, slacktivists give everyone a pretty good laugh, but that's about all they're accomplishing. i just hope they really believe in making people laugh. now THAT would make them activists.


-*always a sucker for a good cause*-

steve irwin was fucking obnoxious, and i'm sure there's more than one crocodile who would agree with me.

every motherfucker in the world is on myspace. it's kinda scary. 90% of them never even write anything.
so okay yeah, that includes me. i joined to keep track of other people i know who are there. the site itself... i really hate. it's difficult to navigate and doesn't work properly half the time.
what's the attraction? other than the fact that every motherfucker in the world is there. and really, that's not always an attraction.
even my ex-gf is there.
toxic.

this bitch'll say anything to get her name in print, especially if it makes her look good and her son look bad and pisses him off at the same time.
sit down, woman. just fucking... sit down.

Between The Lines Newspaper/Michigan
www.pridesource.com
April 27, 2006

Debbie Nelson, the mother of rapper Eminem, had a brother she believes was killed because he was gay. She has decided to become an advocate for the gay community.

( Read more... )

yeah, she's full of shit.

i saw my psychiatrist this afternoon and after much debate, she agreed to put me back on the meds that i was on when i first came to see her. her whole med reduction theory just isn't a good idea for me... i know that, being a consumer of mental health services for almost 20 years now. and here she comes, fresh out of med school, thinking she's got it all figured out and knows what's best for me. like there haven't been dozens of more experienced doctors before her.
i'm so sick of arguing with her every time i see her. i really get going on her too. quite often, i don't think we're on the same page.
the one thing that keeps me from going to someone else though is that i feel like i usually get my way, so it's not all that bad. but the problem with that is that i am not a doctor. even though i have more experience with my own mental health than she does, and i do have some very strong opinions about how i want to be treated, it would feel a bit more reassuring if i felt like she was more in charge of my treatment than i am. i don't always make the best decisions, nor have i been through med school. if she did take charge at this point though, i know i would not agree at all with the changes she would make.
so i really should find someone else to see. but i know from experience that it can also get a whole lot worse.
hmmmmmm.

so the other day syd and i were at the video store and we saw this movie on the shelf called animals. the subtitle was 'friends or food' or something like that. the back of the box said it was about a guy who decides that if he's going to eat meat, he's going to raise and slaughter the animals himself. he decides that humans are too removed from the way in which our food is prepared.
so we decided it looked like a good movie and we rented it.
and the guy is going along in the movie raising his animals... he starts with a rabbit and a pig and a sheep, and he's having a really hard time slaughtering them because he has realized what beautiful and sensitive creatures they are. the movie goes on and he's still eating meat but slaughtering it himself and having an increasingly hard time doing so. toward the very end of the movie, it comes time to slaughter his cow and he realizes he can't do it. so he's like, "i realized i can't handle killing animals, but i didn't stop eating meat because after all, i'm only human".
wtf, motherfucker? wasn't the premise of your experiment that you decided it was only right to eat animals if you could be okay with killing them yourself? so at the end he basically decided to throw the experiment out the window because he was a pussy. and then yannow what? he sent the cow to slaughter! he had someone else do it!
what a douche bag.
you know, i'm not just hating the movie because i'm a vegetarian. when i read his idea for an experiment, i thought it was a good idea and no matter which way he would have gone, i still would have had more respect for him if he had actually stuck to his plan rather than just pussy out of it entirely at the end of the movie. if you can't kill the animal yourself, don't eat it. if you can kill it and you're okay with that, then eat it. wasn't that the plan? but no. he couldn't do it, so he had someone else do it, and he ate it anyway.
fucker.

fuck christmas*, please.

loud-ass christians are pretty good at being fucking annoying all year 'round, but especially at christmas. and every year, there's always some big anti-christmas backlash by people who aren't christian.
the above website clearly illustrates the absurdity of people on both sides.
live and let live. be considerate.
fuck extremism.

*although i do have to say that website has some very good points.

i'm going to start using the word 'american' as an insult.
really, it's that bad.

dear Woman Sitting Near Me at Panera:

i can see, obviously, that you have very recently popped out a kid. but i am not interested in hearing you talk about the placenta while i'm eating.

fondly,
the Non-Breeder Sitting Near You

written offline 10/21/05 @ 2pm

when several hundred people are gathered in one place based entirely upon one similarity, suddenly that one similarity doesn't seem quite so bonding anymore. when the experience of being a minority is taken away, we suddenly have nothing in common anymore. if everyone in the room is gay, then we may as well be gathered on the basis of being mammals. it's not an issue anymore, and we're back where we started. now we have to find further ways of segregating ourselves and breaking down who we are into colors, shapes, sizes and numbers. but why is this necessary?
being in a room full of GLBT people can be experienced as a positive, affirming environment for many similar people, but i feel as though i don't fit in any more than i would in a room with any other sample of the general population. perhaps the odds are slightly greater that i would find someone who is like-minded amongst the GLBT crowd. statistically, some of my interests and habits may be more prevalent among those who share my sexual orientation and identity. but i am not one to be defined by those factors alone.
i am so much more than the gender of the person who i love. in the big picture of who i am, what is between my partner's legs seems like such a minor detail. it's almost a non-issue.
i am active in the GLBT scene for the sake of the people who rely on the volunteer-run organizations in our community. i do not personally feel the need to surround myself with other GLBT individuals... i do these things to help other people who may be having more problems with their sexual orientation and identity than i have ever had.
admittedly, i have had it easy.
i can stand in a room with 200 other GLBT individuals and feel as though i have very little in common with most of them.
i am so much more than one label. admittedly, i sometimes dodge that label because others seem to get stuck on it and are unable to look any further when getting to know me.
i don't hide. but, as a sexual minority, i don't alienate myself either.
some people make this their lives. they are, for instance, gay. they let it become WHAT they are, rather than WHO they are. sooner or later, they're just a big walking GAY.
there's so much more to life than the gender or sexual identity of our lovers. and that's ALL that gay is. it is an adjective that is far too often turned into an all-encompassing label.
i am beginning to understand why there are so many GLBT individuals... extremely well-adjusted and satisfied persons, not the least bit closeted... who have little involvement in the gay rights and local resource associations.
yes, we're all gay. we have that in common. but how long can we sit around talking about our gayness? we're preaching to the choir. a person who defines themselves with only one aspect of their identity is a one dimensional person. walk, talk, bleed gay.
relax.
there's more to life than being gay.

i'm on the 2nd floor now.

i got into it with one of the protesters downstairs outside. he was going on about how being gay is a choice and i said, "WHY would anyone choose to have to grow up to deal with pricks like YOU?".

then he pointed out i was the only one using vulgarity and i said, "yes, that's a very good observation". but he didn't have anything else to say on the matter.

so my question went unanswered.

tell me, people. why?

several of them are holding signs that say, "It's Okay to Be Straight".

i wasn't aware that the poor straight people are going through so many hardships on the basis of their sexual orientation. i suppose it's good that they can find the strength to console each other and re-affirm their straightness in these trying times of injustice and prejudice.

how come there aren't as many fund raisers for lung cancer research as there are for AIDS research?
how come someone who is dying of AIDS is mourned over as a victim of this horrible disease, yet someone who is dying of lung cancer should have known better?
how come this is how things seem, as a generalization?

yes, i know there are people born with HIV/AIDS, people who contract it by means such as rape and medical mishaps, etc. there are also people who develop lung cancer w/o ever lighting a cigarette. environmental risks and such. i am generalizing, and my perspective is one of someone who sees this situation from within the lgbt community.